Bottom Live 2005 Bottom's In The Air
by Gromit2
Summary: Bottom Richie & Eddie are back, as they do a live in Leicester. Also In trouble as they decide to go on holiday to the south Of France, but they get lost in a jungle, they must find away out after 4 weeks. Contains Swearing


**Bottom Live 2005- Bottom's In The Air**

**Plot Summary: When Eddie as got a brilliant plan, he has idea what Richie agrees with when they decide to go to South Of France for a week, but when they get to the airport they get lost In a jungle, but they've been there for 4 weeks, but Eddie is trying to bulid aircraft.**

**Live From: Haymarket Theatre, Leicester**

**It goes dark in the Theatre, with the curtian still down then the bottom theme song comes. **

**Then as song ends the curtian goes up in a jungle, with 2 dirty beds at each side with one with all boose in it, & In the other 5 dirty mags.**

**Also at the Bottom of the tree is a sign pointing up saying toilet. Then some toilet paper comes from the tree.**

**Richie: "Oh basted, I've missed it again, thats the fifth time this week, I wish Eddie put the toilet on the ground, oh god he it comes again"**

**Then you hear Richie heaving then you hear big fart with smoke & he falls out of the tree onto the ground.**

**The Audience clap & whitsle as Richie ruins around the stage happily as scraches himself.**

**Richie: "Yes its me, the best man in the world is back, they always say Iain Botham is the best cricketer in the world, but I've got pictures of him doing something to his serall".**

**Richie: "You are luliky getting man like me to Leicester, because I mostly spend my time In London these, days yes, but I'm mostly In America, ye'h In Miami, I've missed hole hour of me talking to the pressent but he says to me I should be the next Prime Minster"**

**Richie: "Mind you I some how I had dream about being a tour-ee, & I was trying to kill Margret Thacher, back in the 80's, & they called me Alan 'B' Stard, maybe it is telling me the future"**

**Richie: "Where's that bastard, come a long Eddie, Eddie?, Where are you?, Oh yeh I forgot he said he was playing hide & seek last night about 7' o' Clock & I have still not find him & its 12pm in the day"**

**Richie: "Anyway I know how to make him come out, hey look a big bottle of Vodika on my bed".**

**Still know one comes**

**Richie: "Eddie?, Oh god he must be lost or dead, Fantastic now It was is fault we are here, anyway unknown I've got a secret, but don't tell him yesterday I found a pub, but I'm trying to keep him away from a bar, but I don't think he will every find it"**

**Richie: "Now I must climp up this tree to find that porn mag, I got, see you later ".**

**After the climbs up the tree, then Eddie rolls onto the stage.**

**& the Audience clap & whitsle. **

**Eddie gets up, & looks at the side**

**Eddie: "Right thanks for that punch & push landlord, well what do you mean fuck off & never come back came, I've been trying to get rid off all night, well know wounder they call the person who hangs round that gay bar in the other jungle"**

**Then a glass bottle gets thrown from the side & its Eddie on the head, as Eddie jurgs back.**

**Eddie: "Oh god I missed that Chinnese takeaway its probably shut by now, anyway I doubt after yesterday when the sheff chased somebody with a knife" **

**Eddie: "Right, could Richie up that tree again looking at that porn mag, well why been In the tree for last few days I made a Invention that he will be no more"**

**So he goes to the side of the stage & rolls a table with knifes sticking out.**

**Eddie: "Call this my Richie The Wanker Death of 2005"**

**So he puts the Invetion on the right side of the tree**

**Eddie: "Watch this Ladies & Gentlemen of Leicester, where you fucking from I'm suprised you not at war with Derby, Nottingham, Sheffield & Coventry by now since your so close to each, espeical in the Championship"**

**Eddie: "Can I have some drums with this, What do you mean you don't have drums for this show, how you spooce do shows with music in with no drums, what suppose to do fart every drum"**

**Eddie: "Right, braise yourself, now if you quite hear me cleary I did not see get a braise mind the way your football team fights, oh one thing if any one needs the toilet go now, you don't want miss this"**

**Eddie: "No-one move now, watch, listen & learn, don't you dare fucking move because I can't show it again, because too late, & no tears, right are you ready, right, Richie"**

**Richie: "Oh hello Eddie, just having to look too see if I can see land"**

**Eddie: "Well there's fucking land bloody every way, hey look a brand new porn mag down hear"**

**Richie: "What, I'm coming down"**

**Eddie: "Ladies & Gentlemen of Leicester, this is it he's going to die, I can go back to Hammersmith with no Richie on my back forever, & never share anything again with that fat twat".**

**Then instead of Richie normal jumping out of the right side of the tree he climbs as Eddie is laughing he stops laughing when sees Richie infront of him**

**Richie: "Where's the porn mag?"**

**Eddie: "What are you doing here, What the fuck, fuck are you still a live, planned this for 2 weeks & the plan never fails, I thought used to jump out of the tree on the right side".**

**Richie: "Well I thought I'd change because sommebody could attack me"**

**Eddie: "but there's no-one here where in the jungle"**

**Richie: "Well you've seen them fucking disney films like Tarzan, George Of The Fucking Jungle & King Fucking Kong, they always try to attack people"**

**Eddie: "Well I've already met a Jungle boy"**

**Richie: "You mean we aren't alone, I knew it"**

**Eddie: "Ye'h he talk bloxied, mind you he told me to piss off a few times"**

**Richie: "Anyway its your turn to cook the lunch today, so what have I got"**

**Eddie: "What I've cooked last week"**

**Richie: "What do you mean I do Monday, Wednesday & Friday, you've got Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday & Sunday"**

**Eddie: "Well I know, what day is it"**

**Richie: "Its Tuesday & its your turn to cook, so get on with or some violents get involed"**

**Eddie: "Well thats a probably ideal, but this year lets use boxing clothers to fight because the last 25 years we've been fighting we've always used weapons" **

**So they both get boxing clothers**

**Richie: "Just one question, how do actally play boxing"**

**Eddie: "For the last 25 years you've never knew how to play a game"**

**Richie: "Well I know but I'm just forgetful"**

**Eddie: "Anyway I've come up with another ideal of me spending hours telling you how to play"**

**He goes under his bed to get the book, comes out is a big red book**

**Eddie: "I've called it For stupid over weight Twats, like Richard Richard thats don't know any sports"**

**Richie: "What about you the last 25 Years you've been inventing crap stuff like that invention you made to watch every channel in the world, we only ended up with one tv channel, that was shitting BBC 1"**

**Eddie: "Well you know I didn't know where the satur light was we had a thunder & lighting"**

**Richie: "Remember back in Christmas 2003, you build a invention off your own motor bike jet, all you did was stick a couple of pipe organs, you took the main engine out & it took us hour to get to end of the street"**

**Eddie: "Well I didn't quite finish yet I'd just took the engine so I can repower, you were the person who drove away first"**

**Richie: "What are talking about you were down the Lamb & flag telling you had finshed your invention, In summer 2003 you tryed to bulid you own cinema in you bedroom, but you did not get film what was new, you just got the Great Escape"**

**Eddie: "How do you exspect me to get a new film, anyway we were looking at this book, wernt we ,Doctor Who!, right first you must have some questions for this book"**

**Richie: "I'm reading a book not going to space & back, unless its a questionaire for sex, right I'm ready ,Detective Frost!,"**

**Eddie: "Name Richard, Richard, Question 1- If you went to space what planet would destroy"**

**Richie: "How do I bloody know I never been there"**

**Eddie: "Question 2- Is true or false that your best friend Eddie wants you to die & fuck off"**

**Richie: "Well cause false"**

**Eddie: "Question wrong, its true"**

**Richie: "Eddie why do you hate me, we've lived together 25 years, shally you like something about me"**

**Eddie: "Listen I've never liked you because you are a wanker, when I met In that secondary School, St Martins School, when you were a new kid, I was the unlilky one that was in the Headteachers with you, I was in there for blowing up Mrs, Mckenzie science lab"**

**Richie: "What a good year that was, year 7 when my mum, drove there after a man shouted give me my money you slag, & where's my change, mind you he was happy being at Deans secondary school, my sister didn't know this because she was a sleep"**

**Eddie: "I've never met your sister"**

**Richie: "No she's in prison now"**

**Eddie: "What for?"**

**Richie: "She was locked away for 12 years, for over charging a gentleman & for charging a police office of a crime of prostudtion"**

**Eddie: "An't your mum in prison"**

**Richie: "No she was killed, for being there more times than a sercurity guard"**

**Eddie: "Lets get back to questions- Do you think your a basted"**

**Richie: "Oh just give me the book, every year we always go through a quiz we don't want forget the plot"**

**Eddie: "Oh we got a plot this year"**

**Richie: "Why do you always say that, you know every fucking year we have not got a plot"**

**Eddie: "Well whats the point of these doing here then"**

**Richie: "So we can get there money"**

**Eddie: "What are you talking about we don't get the money the theatre does, thats why every show we've done in the pass 13 years, there's no staff"**

**Richie: "Oh Eddie why do we bother"**

**Then a owl sound hots, then Owl goes on the tree with a note with it.**

**Eddie: "Thank you for the note headpig"**

**Eddie kicks the owl away**

**Eddie: "It says the Intervals coming up, come one we must get to the bar before audience get there, right all of Leicester you are trapped lock the fucking doors"**

**Then curtian goes down part 2 coming soon**


End file.
